Expressing our grief gives us the opportunity to let go of someone or something that is no longer with us. Frequently, we try to avoid feeling grief rather than giving it a chance to express itself. In this way, we attempt to hold on to our world of wishful thinking – a world in which everything is still the way it used to be.
Our entire life is marked by separation – while some are easier for us others are very difficult. Parting is painful – regardless of whether it is from a person we love, from our youth, our health or from ideas we have about ourselves and the world. But if we want to live a healthy (balanced) life, we must face this pain and to allow ourselves to express it. If we hang on to something which no longer exists, we only extend our suffering. By mourning, we learn to let go and to open up to new experiences.
Not all kinds of crying have a healing effect. There are different ways of crying. If the feeling behind mourning is grief, crying can have a healing effect. There are people who, despite crying again and again over the years, feel no relief from their inner pain. They are unable to understand why their pain does not diminish over time. In such cases, it is important to take a closer look at the type or quality of the feeling that lies behind crying. Even when a person believes that grief is the cause of making them cry, on closer examination it may become apparent that other emotions are steering the feelings.
This phenomenon occurs in particular with women. Crying is like an outlet for a number of emotions but is mostly linked to anger. This has to do with role models in our society. Whereas boys are allowed to become angry, girls learn at an early age that this feeling is not tolerated by the society. However, feeling of anger and the associated physical agitation and tension do occur when the threshold of our anger is exceeded. This is a biological reaction of our body in critical situations. Frequently, women release their tension in a way which is more tolerated by our society, namely by crying.